Sunday, June 27, 2010

Sex Drugs and Rock & Roll

Before we begin, let me clarify the title of this post. I’m currently taking the last class of my college career via summer school; it’s Health. At this stage of education, that no longer means that I’m learning the scientific name for peeing. We recently finished the drugs unit (MDMA has nothing to do with basketball? Oh.) and now we’re on the sex unit. I haven’t had to leave the room this many times since my nano pet died during STAR testing in 5th grade. Anyway, that takes care of 1 and 2… and the ‘rock & roll’ refers to a little fact I like to call “I just learned to play Coldplay’s Clocks on the piano.” A beautiful reckless summer it’s been so far.

Whenever I put off blogging for this long, it becomes such an enormous task to cover everything that has happened that I usually end up blacking out. When I come to, I find a little post all nicely typed up about finger puppets or princesses and I usually just shrug, quickly stop my iTunes from blasting Mariah Carey’s Christmas album because blacked out me always thinks that’s inspirational, and click POST. That might be happening now, I suspect, since more and more lines of letters keep appearing and as far as I can tell, I’m not doing anything.

Anyway, here’s the breaking news:

- We just bought an inflatable pool so we can boil water on the stove and make a Living Room Jacuzzi.

- In August I’m going on tour with Voxhaul Broadcast and Robbers on High Street for a month and a half. We’re going all over America, so watch for me at a merch table near you. And if you see a creepy baby blue van on fire on the side of any road, please tell my parents I love them and fling my journals into the ocean.

- Two days ago I had cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Right now I’m licking Diet Cool Whip off a spoon.

The fast lane is calling, later people.

^Vagrant Records backdoor

^my room

^This is our roommate Dave telling us about a dream he had where he was a pancake and couldn’t fit through any doors, among other problems.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

summer just slapped me in the face

I just got ding dong ditched. Someone must have mistook me for Lady Gaga and put our house on the Map of Stars' Homes. I was really worried that would happen and now it has.

Emily, my oldest friend, came to visit for the weekend and we did pretty much everything there is to do in this town. I'm sorry, when I say did I realistically mean ate. Em, for example, can be spotted in the picture above licking mustard off a stick. We also snuck into Disneyland last night and it was fantastic, even though the whole time I was getting progressively more pissed about how I don't know any real princesses.

gossip mantis

Thursday, June 10, 2010


I hit 10,000 views today and have decided to let everyone in on the celebration via a contest a la real blogs.


At some point in the next 25 minutes, I will change the name of my blog to FEDORA WORLD for exactly 10 minutes. If you bear witness to this chunk of herstory (I am extremely feminist because it's in), post a comment containing your email address along with a quick description of a funny story from when you had braces. Don't worry, comments are private so only I will see them. If you never had braces you can't win. You also can't win if you're within 3 degrees of Kevin Bacon because in my personal opinion, he looks like a killer. The first 350 people who qualify will receive an email from me with a link to an online coupon I found that lets you get into Soak City for $17.95. It expired in 2007 but just do some clever things with a ballpoint pen and thank me later.

Anyway, I've been drowning in good times up here. It's been a never-ending ball since the day I moved in. Shows and after parties and new friends, oh my. Also a lot of windows optimistically rolled down in gridlocked traffic and food that consequently tastes the way Jiffy Lube smells. But anyway, we had a party the other night and I gave my number to TWO DIFFERENT GIRLS!!!!! Lord knows that's a tough trick to pull in this selfish reproduction-centric society of bitches. But I've got to spread myself like butter over this city's social dance floor because every once in awhile (like now) the friends that I live with clear out like peeps at my 8th grade birthday party. I live with a handful of guys who are in the band Local Natives (watch their Blogotheque takeaway show, it's sooo cool) and they've been home on a break from the road since I moved in... but they just left to tour in Europe for a few weeks. Another roommate is in Voxhaul Broadcast... and they just left for San Francisco. Carly is down in SD working, Adam is usually waterskiing, and Shane just got a questionable part in Vampire Assassins, which might be a movie, but is more likely a trap. So at present I am home alone, and the spirit realm has sassily chosen today to reveal that our house is haunted. Shit keeps falling off of other shit. I'm also afraid of the dark, old carpeting, kitchens, and heights (our room is on the second floor), so these next couple of nights could get pretty grim.

All things considered though, I've never felt so on-the-edge-of-something-great in my whole life. So here's to that! Talk soon.

-Lil Miss Preying M

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

it's the right night for the wrong company

Last night I crammed all my belongings, a fistful of 20’s, and a plastic camping mattress into my sassy little Cutlass Supreme (I wish. My Mazda is uninspired.) and bottomed out of my San Diego driveway. I winked at my dad in the rearview mirror, scowled a bit to keep up my punk rock image, and peeled out into the night blasting Violent Femmes and holding the wheel at exactly 12 o’clock with exactly 1 hand. The sunglasses felt really relevent at the time, but retrospective reflection has since shed some light on the danger there. I left at 11:13 and didn’t look back until I rolled up to my new house in LA at 1:00 in the morning. Carly and I stayed up until 4 listening to records, moving our sleeping bags around on the floor, and peering through the blinds as our new roommates stumbled out of cars, onto the front porch, and into our hearts. I love it here. More on them and this and that to come.

Alright, I previously mentioned that we are fast approaching Extreme Blog Makeover. Since I’m no longer doing a loop of the world, the title Kristen vs. Earth feels a bit rich. More like Kristen vs. The Pile of Clothes In The Backseat of Her Car: Because She Knows She Left A Snickers Back There. Yet each challenge is noble in its own right, and so I persevere. Anyway, here is the short list of candidates for the updated blog’s title:

  • Kristen’s Blog
  • Blog by Kristen
  • Kristen: A Blog
  • Kristen: The Blog
  • “ (the blog formerly known as Prince)
  • Sorry for Partying
  • Blogging Molly
  • My blog ate my homework
  • Oh I have a bachelor’s degree
  • My blog ate my resume, job apps, work ethic, and drive to succeed
  • Cyndi Lauper is literally perfect
  • Bro ho 4 Jesus
  • I h8 the Holocaust
  • The Fartorialist (I am so sorry)
  • F33L1NG5
  • Virgin Mary II: The Prologue
  • The Official Team LC Blog
  • Live, Laugh, Club
  • Why does my hair look like a bee hive every day
  • This laptop is burning my stomach
  • All I want to do is eat and go to waterparks
  • I have a surfboard and a Blackberry, why can't I get a boyfriend
  • We’re looking at the same moon
  • hAiR n mAkEuP tIpZ
  • Silverlake: The Real Jersey Shore
  • Wait, are we groupies?
  • Oh my gosh you got an 8.6 on Pitchfork, congratulations. What are you guys doing after this?
  • Id rather be making my own venison jerky!
  • Deutsche Bags R Us: Your Source for German Handbags

Still brainstorming and openly accepting suggestions.

Well I've got to fly because we're going to see some bands on Sunset with the guys in our house in a few minutes, and at the moment I'm wearing combat boots and a nightgown while Carly looks like Jon-Benet Ramsey. Gotta compete. Until we meet again!

-Marilyn Mantis

Friday, May 28, 2010


I just got back from running and let me just say this: I am sick and tired of people going “Oh, did you forget something?” when I walk back into the house after my run(someday this will be an S). I already ran you sedentary twit, sorry if I can’t run for as long as you can sit on the love seat watching Regis and Kelly. Plus it’s not raining so why the hell else would my bangs be wet.

Anyway, I had a great day at Vagrant yesterday. I had to go pick up 10,000 Ed Sharpe stickers from a suspicious apartment complex in Van Nuys, count out 1,000 by hand, and drop them off at Universal. That place is nuts… I had to get security clearance, hand over my passport, and get an ID badge (PISSED because it completely nixed any chance that people would think I was Ke$ha). Anyway my point here is that I’m a music industry suit. Without me, what would counterculture 8th graders put on their binders to make themselves individuals…...? That Sharpie checkerboard pattern would feel so alone it would probably kill itself.

When I got back to the warehouse we went up in the attic… and it’s a treasure paradise. Dashboard Confessional’s gold record plaques, stacks of rare vinyls that will soon be popping up in my ebay store, a flowery teacup (belonging to HORSE The Band’s Erik), a shrink wrapped bottle of Pepto Bismol, old guitars, and a 10 foot square piece of wood with 3D skulls on it. I’ll take pictures next time I go up there...with the new CAMERA that I got for graduation. I took it to Vegas and it never left the car (above) or hotel room (below) because it's really fancy and I know that I'm going to momentarily destroy it.

One more thing about my internship. I take home all the demos that unsigned bands send us. I cut out the faces from their promo photos and put them on my ceiling as a recession-conscious substitute for the glow in the dark stars that have always been my pipe dream. Coming along nicely so far:

I started getting really scared at night of the guy in the upper left, so I made him into a finger puppet to be brought out only when I haven't just finished watching a crime drama or George Lopez Tonight.